Maya Rudolph, Please Catch Fire

Maya Rudolph showed up on SNL's season finale in a brief cameo. I've never really latched on to any of her characters, and while that might be my fault, I do have some comforting advice for her.

Please catch on fire.

It can be by accident, of course. You could be innocuously walking around your backyard in your favorite gasoline soaked blouse when all of the sudden you bump up against the grill and burst into flames. It happens more than you think, and nobody would fault you for it.

Or you could be at a trendy bar with a twentieth floor balcony, heated in the winter by some genuine tikki torches. Maybe you back into one of them and it suddenly catches your 100% polyester, drag queen-ish suit, inadvertently causing 50% of your skin to be burned within seconds.

Maybe even have you in the middle of a volcano, floating on a bed of ice, and somehow it gets hot enough to melt the ice and have you fall in? I dunno, still spitballing that last one. I'll get back to you when I figure it out.

New Religion

Hey, sorry I've been absent for a while, I've been busy. It was only a short while ago I found inner peace with my new religion. It's called Taco Bell's Grilled Chicken Burrito, and it's 89 cents.

http://www.tacobell.com/grilled_chicken/

FUCK YOU, CHRISTIANITY!

Gallon Challange

>Did you make a youtube video of yourself doing a gallon challenge?

Depends. Are you impressed?

>That's not what it depends on at all.

That's so weird. I just failed a gallon challenge yesterday. My cousin filmed it. What are the odds of that.

> 100%. They're 100%

Oh, CH

Blue Lagoon 2

Best. Day. Ever. Just found out there's a sequel to Blue Lagoon called Blue Lagoon 2. Stopping by Blockbuster's on the way home.

How I Imagine “Pop Champagne” Was Created

Jim Jones is in his study, enjoying a fine port wine. The marketplace section of the newspaper in his hands. He dips it slightly to see Ron Browz walk in. Ron has a bottle of glue and a brown paper bag, which he has been breathing out of.

RON: Jim, I got ideas. I got so many ideas.

Jim puts down his paper to give Ron his full attention

RON: My brain feels like Pregnant Fat Chick it’s so big.
JIM: You must have one whopper of an idea! Do tell!

Ron pours some more glue into his bag. He breathes in deeply from the bag. He starts looking for Blue Pirates – his mortal enemy - which he can see none. Ron realizes he’ll have to huff more glue in order to see through to the truth.

RON: You know that “Na-na-na-nananana-na-na” part of the song we’ve been working on. Pop Champagne?
JIM: The finely tuned melodic interlude? Of course.
RON: Yeah, screw that. We don’t need a melody. I’m just going to turn on the drum machine and let you go.
JIM: How daring. But how will we differentiate our sound? With only a drum, what will we give the listener?
RON: Too much bass. And we’ll mess with vocals.
JIM: That seems lazy.
RON: BLUE PIRATES!

Ron jumps out the second story window.

Wayan Legacy

Do I really live in a world where "White Chicks" is reffed to as a success? The new Wayan's brothers movie "Dance Flick" is being heavily promoted with reference to 'White Chicks'. Why not "Little Man" or "Mo' Money"? Marketing gurus, is "Scary Movie" really it for them? Do you just find yourself in a crap shoot afterwards, and just throw a dart at what you'll reference?

West Side!

This is History, people. History.