The Man Dances, Too

Once a man has seen a woman naked, there has to be a mighty good reason for him to want to see her again. I'm sure they're charming, intelligent, or whatever other adjectives it will take to help ease this next comment, but it's the truth. Oh yes. When he finishes there is always some voice in the back of his head that telling him to get up, walk home, and go sleep in his own bed.

Some guys will fight this basic principal so much that they cuddle and spend the night. Some even deny it as a core part of themselves that they get into long lasting relationships with someone who is obviously as low as a "Class-4 - Bagger" (i.e., your average overweight, metal mouth, or general frumpy disproportionate face).

I myself would like to deny this part of me. I bite my tongue, ride the coyote ugly, and wait until its over. It's common courtesy. You don't leave the dinner table because you were promised steak and you got a cold Hungry Man XXL instead. No, you finish the cold meal, go home, and crank one out on your own time. Why? Because it spares the feelings of everyone involved.

You've seen her naked, you've gotten all you need. Tell your friends they don't need to ever touch her, neither talk to nor about her again. Nothing bad will happen if you take this route. I promise.

That is, unless you experience when one of your friends fails at life and winds up hooking up with another one of your friends. That whole fiasco is like when a network collapses from a freak virus. Except, the virus in question is the curse of alcohol combined with two fat, retarded, horny people who came together with no other options, and left with the only remaining one. Suddenly, everyone has to reorganize parties, functions, bah mitzvahs.

I guess, reader, I'm saying do not question your worth once you've spread yourself thin. You've made mistakes, but so have many before you. It's alright and you will be ok. Unless you're a slut. Nobody takes a slut home to momma. Strippers, yes - but that's only for shock value when mom keeps trying to set you up with the neighbor girl who is so ugly people's genitals have been reported to have turn to stone on the spot when they see her. A stripper can/will stop all that. Why? Because Mom'll be crying too hard to call.

So, in conclusion; Seriously, Mom? I'm fine. I don't need your help in finding that special someone. My dealer totally has my back with this stoner chick who will do anything for a hit. She already has kids, so you can become a grandma instantly. Isn't that want you want? Huh?

I digress. Even though MTV has some how managed to incorporate sex in with the term 'partying', don't fall prey to their schemes. Pulling out does not work! Alcohol is fine on its own! And always, always be sure you don't pose naked while drunk. That's like giving the milk away, then slitting the cow's neck. Nobody wins. 'cept for the dudes that get a hold of that picture. Don't let your friends hook up with your other friends. And don't dip in a pool that is clearly polluted.

Reminders for the class: Double bagging won't get rid of the memory. Yo, Joe!