Singledom

Of the list of greater novels published in the last quarter in the 20th Century, I would not put Bridget Jones. Yet I find myself drawn to dozens of elements within the books. The main character is a woman, and I am drawn to breasts. There is a conflict with her personal sense of worth, while I am a white male. I can relate to main character through many commonalities.

Ahem. In seriousness, I mention it because I have continually borrowed a word from that book. 'Singledom', which implies the kingdom in which all us single people live in. You who are committed to a boyfriend/girlfriend, hookup buddy, or have actually married often forget our world. You may have visited our villages on several occasions, and I'm sure you can recognize our citizens. We have some people who never leave, like the overweight nice girl and the unconfident beta male. But for those that don't permanently settle down, you'll find for the most part it is necessary to stay in our kingdom to get to wherever you are going. I would advise many of you to make an extended stay here, because you might forget how glorious it can be.

Some of our people are over anxious to leave, but that's because they haven't appreciated their vacation (or annexation) to Singledom.

Our town has many niches, but that's not always great. Of the most annoying would be the constant traveler. Those who leave over night and come right back with stories. These would be your constant hookup-ers, needy bitches, and considerate - but failing - partners. We treat these people like pariahs or lepers. We have sharped sticks in the back of our closet solely for poking and jabbing these individuals. They whine too often and we do not care since they have not learned their lessons. The particular stick I use to jab these people with is named 'Garfield',and he is very small, unlike the fat lasagna loving cat of the same name.

I myself enjoy my nice one bedroom apartment in Singledom. I find I enjoy being single, expect for when I wake up, go to sleep, see another couple, or go grocery shopping. Outside of that, it's nice to know yourself. Once you get past the fact that you don't need anyone else to function, it becomes all the greater to find someone just because you like them. No sense in rushing anything. I am not a monkey swinging vine to vine, unwilling to let go of the last before I have a grip on the next. That's not how we operate in Singledom. Fuck - that's just not how you operate anywhere. We're more of a try it before you buy it community, not a stick and move place. It's silly, but we're the type of people that believe in timeshares. I know, don't say it. We're odd.

Reminders for the class: Nothing wrong with taking time to figure yourself out, but there is something wrong with sleeping with a different person each weekend. That's not part of the process. Be honest with yourself, nobody likes that kind of person. I say a slut can't be beautiful, and a slut can only be a slut.