Music To Shoplift To

I hate Walmart. Deep within my soul burns a little Asian man who only shops at Walmart. I hate this Asian man. I have named him Tony. Tony is a prick and agrees with my wallet, who is bilingual, and is also saying that I have to shop at Walmart to save on bills. Tony, like all Asians, is smart - and right.

Those who know me know what I do to roshambo Tony right in the testicles. I won't come outright and say it, as that maybe a confession to a misdemeanor, but you know. Oooooh, nigga you know.

I have also come to the conclusion that it's okay to be a satirist. In that sense I can be a truthful observant, which in turn gives me license to be slightly racist and offensive. Like the claim "Women can't drive". Sure, it may not be statistically true, but every accident I've ever taken a place in has the end results of a failed woman. And not like a failed woman - the doctor got my penis wrong - more like a failed woman - I was on the cell phone crimping my hair. Who crimps their hair well driving? I'll tell you who: Satanists. It's clear there is a connection between women and Satan. Just look at the bible! The part in the fucking back! YOU KNOW IT'S THERE! SHUT UP!

Ok. Just look at this pie chart:
See how messed up that is? The numbers don't even come out right. Man, I'm not even a Math minor, but I can tell something is up. So what? Do I buy a shotgun cross that shoots holy water to prepare myself for the onslaught these female devil drivers are preparing? No. I'm a rational man. I will become ordained and fight alongside the greatest vampire hunters the catholic church has ever had. That's right, James Woods in Vampires.

Go Shoplift from Walmart, do the world some good.

Reminders for class: I'm a college graduate in 12 hours.