Simpler

At one point in my life, the only problems I had were finding polite ways to turn down threesomes. This fact is simultaneously - A) Not a lie B) The only cool thing to ever happen to me C) Oddly disturbing, yet inspirational.

I think somewhere muddled in me is a romantic who finds the idea of multiple partners simultaneously only cool in porno. Not pornos I've made, but ones I've downloaded or rented featuring soulless - but attractive - husks inserting things into places where said things were- and still are - never meant to go. Case in point?: Corn on the cob. It just doesn't go there.

But in real life, I don't think you should ever attempt a trist between three or four people. Maybe five or more is fine, because EVERYONE will be doing something, but three or four feels like someone will be left out. Now let's just say, for the sake of argument, I have five things that could feasibly be used in such an activity.

WAIT - you say - how five? How can there be five usable appendages?
I'll tell you how. Elbows and Toes.
That is plain sick.
Hey, I'm not the one in the middle of an orgy.
Yes, yes, you are.
No, this is imaginary.
No, this is real.
Hypothetical. I said I wouldn't and so it hasn't.
Bah to you. It's real.
No, I'm saying for this I would be acting on your behalf.
Where did you say that?
I'm saying it now.
This is gross.
No, you know what's gross? Thinking you could pleasure someone with an elbow. You make me sick.
You're the one that said it would work.
Hypothetically. Now you sit here and are completely ready to go out and try it.
No we're not.
Shut up! Yes you are.
I'm done reading you.
I'm done telling you orgies of less than five people are formationally unsound.
Gross.
Screw you, I've never done it. I've just done the research.
What, your wrist hurt?
What do you know? Ever sit through gay porn? DO YOU KNOW HOW EAGER THEY LOOK?!?!
Please stop.
Oh, who wants to hear it now? Huh? You're the one that's willing to participate in a sexual fiasco.
That was you.
I declined it! That was the point of all this!
You know what, I'm going to CNN.com to avoid this. I'm not talking to you anymore.
Whatever.
[pause]
Quit bringing her up.
God, you sick fuck.
Berate me; great. I'm going to go watch Foster's and eat Fruity Pebbles.
Who's mature now?
Eat my ass.
You'd like that.

I remember simpler times when all I had to worry about was politely turning down threesomes and not having conversations with myself.

Reminders for class: No, I haven't watched them.