Dear Josh Lucas,
You were my 2nd man crush for five years, right below Kurt Russell. Recently the two of you did a movie together. Kurt came out unscaved from the experience, but you are tainted. Why? Because a few days later I watched "Stealth". You are only making crap movies. Don't think I had forgotten 'Hulk', 'cuz I haven't, Josh. I hated you in that movie. What happened to you, bro? You were so flipping man candy in 'Sweet Home Alabama'. I wanted you to just juggle your junk on my face.
BUT NOT ANYMORE! I can see through you know, pal. You're not like Kurt. Sure, you did a movie together but Kurt's done a lot of movies. A lot of bad movies. A lot of movies I would pay so I could not hear about it. But Kurt has always been one thing - himself. You're some kind of chameleon, Josh. Sometimes you act with a giant smile on your face, other days you put a giant grin beneath your nose. It's bullshit! Kurt has range. Kurt faces down danger drunk in his films, like Lee Marvin did with Bob Mitchum. Those guys were drunk every take, every shot. Not like you, as I'm sure you're on some hippy vitamin hijink crap diet. Go away, Josh.
- Ken
Friday, May 26, 2006
Wednesday, May 10, 2006
W0rc|$
Please throw away your dictionary, at least while you're with me. I abuse our language, and on most days can barely speak it. My only advantage is that words can be like the people on MTV, in that they are easily manipulated. And love to be on television. Words are very vain.
And words themselves have no meaning. It's just a sound. Or a jumble of letters on paper. It's the power behind those words, distributed by the people that use that word, that give it context.
Let's take my house. Now a dictionary could say 'Gay' is a term relative to sexuality or happiness, but given the manor in which it is used in my environment (like when Sean running down the stairs with his shirt off, boxers holding on for dear life, and a plate of eggs in his hand) it's meaning narrows. It my house, 'gay' means stupid. So if I'm watching Dora the Explorer and talking along with the TV, I will receive said label, even if I had been doing good and had gotten all the answers right. I could even yell 'Swiper, no swiping.', but I would be considered 'gay' by the man in boxers and well kept fingernails.
It's the same thing as the corruption of the English language - particularly with Spanglish and Ebonics. 1337 speak too. It's taking a base language and converting it to be unique to a specific group. And because it can be corrupted, it suffers. Which is why I suck so much balls at speaking.
My rythmic of spoken language is kind of like those moon shoes I owned as a child. I abused it all so much that the contraption broke, and now all that's left is a useless plastic shell. So whenever I speak useless plastic shell, ignore me. Throw away the dictionary.
Reminders: I busted my language so bad that I think two words in my head and say them out loud as one. Cryptography much? Try out these doozies: "Pirlor", "Grun", "Dranga"
And words themselves have no meaning. It's just a sound. Or a jumble of letters on paper. It's the power behind those words, distributed by the people that use that word, that give it context.
Let's take my house. Now a dictionary could say 'Gay' is a term relative to sexuality or happiness, but given the manor in which it is used in my environment (like when Sean running down the stairs with his shirt off, boxers holding on for dear life, and a plate of eggs in his hand) it's meaning narrows. It my house, 'gay' means stupid. So if I'm watching Dora the Explorer and talking along with the TV, I will receive said label, even if I had been doing good and had gotten all the answers right. I could even yell 'Swiper, no swiping.', but I would be considered 'gay' by the man in boxers and well kept fingernails.
It's the same thing as the corruption of the English language - particularly with Spanglish and Ebonics. 1337 speak too. It's taking a base language and converting it to be unique to a specific group. And because it can be corrupted, it suffers. Which is why I suck so much balls at speaking.
My rythmic of spoken language is kind of like those moon shoes I owned as a child. I abused it all so much that the contraption broke, and now all that's left is a useless plastic shell. So whenever I speak useless plastic shell, ignore me. Throw away the dictionary.
Reminders: I busted my language so bad that I think two words in my head and say them out loud as one. Cryptography much? Try out these doozies: "Pirlor", "Grun", "Dranga"
Sunday, May 07, 2006
Woefully underrated Them
It always comes from nowhere, because from nowhere is where we find the unexpected. It's not like the prize at the bottom of cereal, where a red Jedi-Lightsaber spoon in my Corn Pops can unexpectedly make my day. Actually - yeah - let's go with that reference. I love my pops. And you know I know you know your jedi stuff. It's osmosis, even if you don't care. It's like not knowing who the Mario Bros are. I work in broad strokes, people! I can't be expected to hold your hand on every allusion to literature or pop culture. You don't want to be caught working with Duplo blocks when people are asking about Legos.
But back to the cereal prize. There's a difference between being caught unaware and found totally unprepared. If I was unaware, the Jedi-Spoon would fall into my cereal bowl while making breakfast. But since I was unprepared, it was something like the cereal box started sprouting legs, shouting in Cantonese, and began to fight me.
Last night, this lady danced F'n circles around me when it came to this film stuff. Of course I'm shocked. My ego needs to be stroked every day, and I don't like it being knocked out of place. And here she was ninja kung-fu kicking me in the temple. Kids, this was a veritable care bear stare of destruction. Lionheart pushed his gut out and exploded sunbeams onto my face.
Maybe it's all the Mamet plays and films I enjoy, but I find myself becoming slightly more misogynistic these days. In my defense, the capacity to which the women in my life consistently perform at does not leave much of an image, or even one to improve upon. The bar is pretty low and they fall under it. I mean, this is what I thought to be typical. I still do. But if you buy into a stereotype, you can be awkwardly countered once in a while when the truth comes around.
Oh, I will still be making fun of those people. You know I have an incredible amount of disdain for my generation - both male and female. But when something you hold to be solid as a rock begins to tatter and wear, you might want to reconsider your options.
Reminders for Class: Graduation in a two weeks. Woo!
But back to the cereal prize. There's a difference between being caught unaware and found totally unprepared. If I was unaware, the Jedi-Spoon would fall into my cereal bowl while making breakfast. But since I was unprepared, it was something like the cereal box started sprouting legs, shouting in Cantonese, and began to fight me.
Last night, this lady danced F'n circles around me when it came to this film stuff. Of course I'm shocked. My ego needs to be stroked every day, and I don't like it being knocked out of place. And here she was ninja kung-fu kicking me in the temple. Kids, this was a veritable care bear stare of destruction. Lionheart pushed his gut out and exploded sunbeams onto my face.
Maybe it's all the Mamet plays and films I enjoy, but I find myself becoming slightly more misogynistic these days. In my defense, the capacity to which the women in my life consistently perform at does not leave much of an image, or even one to improve upon. The bar is pretty low and they fall under it. I mean, this is what I thought to be typical. I still do. But if you buy into a stereotype, you can be awkwardly countered once in a while when the truth comes around.
Oh, I will still be making fun of those people. You know I have an incredible amount of disdain for my generation - both male and female. But when something you hold to be solid as a rock begins to tatter and wear, you might want to reconsider your options.
Reminders for Class: Graduation in a two weeks. Woo!