The internal memo I wish I could circulate to my staff

I object to the gross overuse of slang describing things in our professional workplace. ‘Ghetto’ is no way to describe the status of a million dollar building installation. 'Skank-ass' is not a suitable euphemism for the degrading clean suits used in static-free room. ‘Gay’ is not a verbal placeholder for ‘non functioning’. Please only use the term ‘fag’ to describe a British brand cigarette, not users in the A-wing. And please, for the love of God, do not point strongly at my bosses with your fingers while shooting. The sound of fake gun noises does not help.

Something that annoys me....

....when the last thing you read was either Dan Brown, Cosmo, or had a main character named Harry Potter. Ur a gr8 reedur!

Hungry

I'm hungry but I don't feel like eating. Science needs to come up with an answer for this, especially since I don't feel like moving my mandibles a god damn inch right now.

(Note: I will not be accepting IV bags or Go-Gurt as a solution.)

GroupHugs Banned My Account Because Of This Comment

I know you're practicing to be a nun, but sometimes I'd wish you'd lose your faith so we could bone

I rock

Mayhaps too much?
Yay. Verily.

I'm watching Speed because I'm bored, and lets say the film hasn't aged well. It's not as bad as some get in retrospect, but it's hard to take the plot seriously with Keanu saying 'Cool' about every five f'n words. The man stretches mono-syllabic words to their limits, making me think that with the one word approach and only a minor emphasis, I could roll a game with women of the early 90' that would be smoooooth.

Oh, man. If I could land Jesse Spano, I'd play the shit out of that a one syllable statement game. Rad? RAD. Check out my girl in form.

I need to post more

But we all know that won't be happening.

My Baby Porn is Clearly Fake

I'm a big fan of porn, which why I found it so upsetting my favorite baby porn site turned out to be a fake. I made a list (I'm tired of lists too, LOL!) of five subtle reasons that led me to believe the site was Bogus.

1.) Baby porn is illegal, yet this site was charging me $49.99 a week.
2.) The main "actress" looked like a 2 year old, but she has cigarette stains around her fingers.
3.) Another actress got a tattoo on her back. You can't get tattoo unless you're 18! (BTW Tramp stamps on babies are super huge)
4.) The other baby wasn't really a baby, but just a bunch of clips from that old dancing baby fad in the late 90's - you know, the one that reoccurred on Ally McBeal for a whole season just to remind her that her biological clock was ticking away?
5.) I really don't have a fifth reason.

Talk about a bummer. Looks like I'll be re-upping my Donkeys Doing Dudes account over at the gay/animal porn section of the net.