The American Dream

One day, this will be me. I may be willing to compromise on a few issues, like the size of the pile of money or the size of the American flag behind, but you never the size of Wife #4's breasts. Wife #4 knows that I am uncompromising in some aspects of my vision.

My suit in this photograph cost ten thousand dollars. The shoes double as roller blades and jet boots. And they're also pumps, a shoe universally known to make you run faster.

Other aspects of my dream life include a pet, a kid as flippin' cute as the one in Jerry McGuire, and my own football team. I would occasionally slip in as QB and throw a touchdown. I would never get sacked.

My wife will also never have to do anything. If she had to do anything, I myself would do it - or else I would hire a incredibly built 6'3" man to do it for her. I would be the most giving husband ever, so much that it explains why the previous three left. I. Love. Too. Much. It's all I'm guilty of.

I would make the money by being incredibly awesome and honest. Maybe something about drying mustard in the sun and selling it. Or trade with the Chinese. Doesn't matter. Point it I'll be giving and buy you that thing you've always wanted. Part of the American dream is sharing it. And that's exactly what I'm doing.

Reminders for class: I like draw-rings. So should you.