OK NEWS!!!!

I got the best email of my life the other day. I knew it was spam when I checked the inbox, but I had to open it. The title simply said 'Ok News'.

I'm not a thinking man, but if you had to send an email knowing that whether or not the person opening it would judge solely on its title, would you put that as your opener? 'Ok News'?

Probably not. You're brighter than me, so you'd say it was some type of email news that was great, amazing, or possibly fantastic. Pffft. That's why I wouldn't open your email. In fact, I would block you and spike your server just to make sure you knew I don't like being toyed with. Not when it comes to news.

Nobody ever rushes out to tell their friends when it comes to your regular, just OK News. Why? Because it's only Ok News, not shatteringly important stuff. 'You know if you're pants don't fit, buy a different size.' "Ok, thanks. "

But this emailer booked it to make sure I knew what was the lowdown on the already known. Inside it said:

"Having trouble getting or keeping an erection? Try Viagra."

And that was it. No sales pitch, no link to click on, and no more than that one line. It made me so happy. Amazingly happy. I mean, I have around 534 unread messages in my inbox; how did he and I find this connection? Somehow this guy broke through my amazing spam blocker at Excite and fixated itself right at the top of my list.

I felt a special connection to this person. My hands tingled and my keyboard was bursting with possibility. Would I return the email? Let him know how much I appreciated this unfamiliar love?

People! Think about this: someone out there - God knows where - made it his or her very personal concern to make sure my erections were coming in the way they should. I hate to say it, but I wish my real friends were like this. Chad or Alex would never bust down my door when I'm handling the garden tools. They'd never say 'Hey, that erection in your hands: How is it really doing?' Maybe that would open up some sort of dialogue that would change the nature of our relationship. Maybe they'd mention something about checking myself for testicle cancer, or thinking about baseball to sustain durability. I would thank them for such advice. We'd become closer. Ah, but who knows? They've never tried. I doubt they even care about my erections.

But this emailer wanted to make sure everything is working. My friends wouldn't, but OK NEWS would. OK NEWS is the kind of friend I wish I had. All of us should take a page from The OK NEWS. We might find out that your average news is a little more than OK. We'd find out that it's great.

Reminders: If everyone on the planet was as nice as whoever sent this email, I'm pretty sure we'd be without war.