Things that happen to you while watching 24

I put in Season 4 of 24 tonight, and since I've seen it a few times before, I know a couple of things are going to start occurring in the coming days. I'm just going to save you the trouble of pointing them out and list them right here.

1.) I'm going to start staring off into the distance. I'll be imagining how Jack Bauer would either escape from this (or break out) of the room I'm in. If you walk me to another room together, you will lose me in the hallway. Jack Bauer does well clearing a hallway.
2.) When asked if I want one more at a bar, I will weigh being social against fitting another episode before bed.
3.) Inevitably, my pattern of speech will become quick and sound as if I'm short of breath. Expect any question you ask to be met with 'Goddamnit, Chloe!', regardless of what you asked for.
4.) I will have to call out sick one day because the 'good part' I insisted on staying up for was actually four episodes from where I had planned to fall asleep.
5.) I'll walk around with my hands on my hips and speaking in a loud, decisive tone like Dennis Haysbert. This will be awkward because Haysbert has a very commanding presence as a 6' black man. I, on the other hand, am a little girl.
6.) I will finish the season, walk over to my movie shelf, and pick up season 5. I will hold it in my lap and start crying.

Jesus' Hand Picked Successor

"I don't even want to talk about that. There were rumors about a sex tape, but I had nothing to do with that. God knows the truth in all of this, and at the end of the day, that is the only thing that matters. Jesus was persecuted, and I'm going to get persecuted, ya know?"- The Hills' Lauren Montag

So. True.

P.S. What a bummer about outting yourself as the second coming! I had no idea until now.