The Center of Your Universe

Ever feel like they'll never know your name until its on the stone? Or that you'll only be remembered because you were forgotten? Well, you shouldn't. Those are stupid Emo kid thoughts. That's just morbid and depressing. Even more so because you know me. Especially since you know me - I should be the shining beacon of light in your life. Seriously. When you wake, I better be in the first ten goddamn thoughts of your day. I don't care what's on your plate or how busy you get, you should be thinking of me. No excuses. If you were to wake up and were to find your house was on fire, you should manage to incorporate me into your scattered thought process. Kind of something like this:

"Omigod. My house is on fire. I wonder what Ken is wearing right now. The children's bedroom! Oh, dear lord. There's so much smoke. I need to call 911. My door is locked. I can't get out! How will I save the kids? I hope Ken had a full breakfast this morning. Ahh! I am burning alive! Oh, no! Help! I regret that I never got to climb a mountain and write a book! I'm too young to die! Ken sure is the best piece of eye candy this planet has to offer! Ack! I die!"

There might be a slight divergence in the exact thoughts, but you should be thinking in a fashion similar to this. Notice how despite the chaos, thoughts were redirected back to me at the more critical moments. That's because I am a pillar. Count on me. I will take care of you. I am that awesome. My beard is 2nd only to that piece of hairy landmass on Chuck Norris' face. In addition, I am a very good kisser, my mom says I'm the coolest kid in school, and I have a sweet singing voice.

So the next time you start to feel depressed, pull out a picture of me and smile. I am here for you. I will be your strength when all else fails. My guns are jack diesel and you should be jealous. If you're not jealous, you haven't been leering long enough at my rock hard abs and sweet bum. You know you want to rock this.

EGO TRIP! WOOOO!

Reminders for class: Documentary and a Mockumentary coming up soon. I'll post them when done.